This ought to be a momentous occasion but I don't have a brass band or even a special picture or anything. I do have something to say, however that has been bugging me for a while and I'm going to say it here. You know, us quilters are a tough bunch. We make beautiful quilts and give them away. I guess you would have to say that we are givers. I sew with a bunch of women on a weekly basis that hardly have a quilt in there possession because they have all been given away to family and friends and strangers. We even meet 2 days a month specifically to sew for 'strangers in need' to give them quilts.
Yes we are givers. If there is a need, we give. Somebody sick? Send a card, or take over a covered dish, or visit them in the hospital, or finish the binding on their quilt for the show. Car broke down? Give them a ride... You get the idea. But, just try to give a quilter a complement on her beautiful quilt and see what happens. She will throw it back at you in a New Your minute. (I say "She" because my experience is 100% with women quilters and I don't know if this particular phenomenon translates to men.) Women quilters can not recieve a complement. In fact Women in general cannot receive a complement. Tell a women she looks nice, she has on a pretty dress, that was a great casserolle, the list is endless. You know how it feels to get a complement, Uncomfortable. we really don't know how to receive. but receiving is all a part of the giving process! You can't have one without the other! When you give something, there has to be someone on the other end receiving what the giver is giving or the process does not work. You can't have one without the other.
I guess you might wonder why I am coming at this particular subject at this particular time. Well, I am part of the committee planning the Holiday party for my Quilt Guild and when the discussion came up about the gift exchange there were some things said that were not very nice about gifts that were received in past years. "...I gave a wonderful bla bla bla and all I got was a lousy yada yada yada." And other comments on the same line. I thought that this attitude is just wrong. Then I put this attitude together with the unable to receive the complement thing and thought maybe it all goes back to just not being able to receive in general.
When I first became ill with Myasthenia Gravis in 1996, I was just almost helpless. I required someone to drive me, push me in a wheelchair, someone to feed me at times, bathe me at times, things that were incredibly hard to accept, but let me tell you I learned to lovingly say thank-you and resist the innate response of saying "no thanks, I don't need any help". I needed help. And more important, my loved ones needed give me help.
So when someone gives you a complement on your quilting say thank-you.
Happy quilting
When I was teaching I would tell students "If you give someone a compliment and they say Oh this is just an old dress or that my hair really looks tacky etc. I ask them how they feel. I know that I feel awful and wished I'd kept it to myself" I told them that they don't have to return a compliment but that they just needed to say "Thank You". I wonder if anyone remembers it. Sandra
ReplyDeleteIts as if you had a great grasp on the subject matter, but you forgot to include your readers. Perhaps you should think about this from more than one angle. custom lapel pins
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nadia. I’ll try to remember that in the future.
DeleteI'm happy to see the considerable subtle element here!. 相親
ReplyDelete